In So Many Words

2011-11-07T13:07:00.000-08:00

To Each Her Own: Ending the Craft Beer Cold War

2011-04-05T09:21:00.001-07:00

Another quick read featured on Ladies Of Craft Beer...

http://ladiesocb.com/blog/to-each-her-own-ending-the-craft-beer-cold-war-by-hanna-laney/

Malt Destiny: Jefferson, Beer and Bald Eagles

2011-04-05T09:16:00.000-07:00

New post from yours truly on Denver Off The Wagon... Beer + history = fusion of nerdness.

http://www.denveroffthewagon.com/2011/04/01/malt-destiny-jefferson-beer-and-bald-eagles/

Thunderstorm (unrefined haiku)

2010-07-19T21:33:00.001-07:00

the air sits. hot/wet.
growing, pregnant with fat drops,
a burst! then it's gone.

Repressing the People the World Needs Most

2010-03-21T01:41:00.000-07:00

Bulletin, 2010

This week, as predicted, University President Thayne McCulloh has banned the Vagina Monologues from being performed on campus. After I let out a gale-force sigh, I had to figure out how best to respond personally, socially and in this column. Upon the news of the ban, I overheard a student say something to the effect of “this is just a group of angry, bitter women with nothing better to worry about.” To this person, I send an eye-roll that could throw the Earth off orbit. Forget the misogynistic musings of certain students; the issue is about more than petty name-calling. This issue is about who we are as students in the pursuit of knowledge and who we are as an intellectual and social community. This issue is the intersection of art, entertainment and our identities both individually and as a Gonzaga community.

I think it is most appropriate to begin with a bit of an aside. My following response to the ban on The Vagina Monologues is not meant to be a personal attack on Dr. McCulloh. I understand that as Interim President after the unusually powerful predecessor Father Spitzer would be both daunting and confining. I applaud Dr. McCulloh’s attempt at being as open-minded as possible in an infrastructure bequeathed to him and appreciate his continued efforts to search for the greatest good. Additionally, I take seriously the connection to Catholic teachings that many members of the Gonzaga community feel. I respect and admire faithfulness; I simply think it’s time for some honest discussion.

As a student on a college campus that waxes poetic about “educating the people the world needs most,” I am frequently disappointed with the number of times the university chooses repression over education, silence over honest discussion. Many times on this campus I have encountered young adults uncomfortable with the anatomical names of their body parts and utterly baffled as to their health and function. In our Anatomy and Physiology classes, the entire reproductive system is ignored. In our efforts to “educate,” we often silence information about birth control, reproductive health and anatomical fact.

For some, this stems from religious teachings and conservatism. I understand religious guidance and I respect that as an important facet of many students’ lives. However, I do not see how religious conviction should stand in the way of understanding our bodies. Especially in a church that places such a premium on the conception and rearing of children, it seems antithetical to deny the anatomy that does the work. Accepting our body as part of our holistic self doesn’t stand in the way of our relationship with God, it can strengthen it.

Some arguments against the Monologues focus on what some consider to be glorification of acts they see as immoral, often including frank discussions of heterosexual and homosexual sex. However, these arguments do not take into account the wide array of topics covered in the show. This argument is like saying The Bible is merely about the Creation story. Yes, some of the Monologues focus on sex, but there are many other topics discussed including: sexual violence, objectification, birth, intimacy, and the importance of language in gender equality. Acknowledgment of these topics is important, and indeed vital, in our creation of a Christ-like community of people who truly love each other as Jesus calls us to do.

On a campus under the heavy control of the Catholic Church, I find one of issues to be the ideal of Mary as the Blessed Virgin. One of the largest miracles celebrated in the Catholic tradition is the Virgin Birth. In this way, we create a climate on campus that separates Godly women from their bodies. Women of faith strive for closeness to God and, in the example of Mary, the anatomy and function of the human reproductive system are entirely by-passed. If we are to emulate the Blessed Virgin, we are to strive for alienation from our anatomy. This is not to detract from the miracle of the Virgin Birth, but rather, is merely an observation in what we value as a community and its effects on who we are as men and women of God.

Likely protests from both sides of the argument will continue to build. Likely, the Vagina Monologues will still be held off-campus. Likely, the event will be fraught with tension from fervent supporters and avid opponents. While these events may be the only knowable future for the debate, we must look to use this moment as a means by which we take an honest, rational look at what we really want to be known for as the collective body of the Gonzaga community. What will really matter is how we use this moment as a way to educate ourselves about our bodies, our health and who we are as holistic beings.

Morality, Artifice and Sex Robots, Oh My!

2010-02-22T23:08:00.000-08:00

Bulletin, 2010

Every weekend, some women on the Gonzaga campus choose to dress like sex robots. By cramming themselves into skin-tight polyester and miniskirts, these women package their own bodies as a product.

Recently, TrueCompanion, Inc. shocked some by introducing Roxxxy, the first sex robot capable of speaking, retaining information, engaging in conversation and being used for sex. For about $7,000 any person over the age of 18 can purchase and customize their very own sex robot, complete with specialized personality settings, haircut and color, make-up, and nail polish, as well as other certain anatomical specifications.

Similarly, it seems some young women in relationships do not balk at the idea of getting a Brazilian wax to match the women their boyfriends see in porn and the myriad of underwear-less celeb pictures gracing the tabloids, without asking for anything in return. Many of the actions young women have come to see as pedestrian and necessary are products of sex as a commodity.

Critics and fans alike have been vocal in their response to the product since its introduction at the Adult Entertainment Expo in Las Vegas in early January. Roxxxy has been a topic in a number of on-campus classes including Sex, Gender and Society and Gender, Family and Society, spurring dialogue. In almost every conversation on campus, the response seems to be vehement condemnation, but the conversation is a bit more complex than simple refutation. Upon examination, many of the arguments prove to be more complicated than they appear.

First, many opponents claim that using a sex robot is “just wrong.” Presumably, they are making the claim that it is immoral to use a robot for sexual contact. This argument raises other important questions about artifice in the world of sex; namely, is it immoral to use anything that is not human for sex? Where do we draw the line on products like the Fleshlight? Do those who oppose the sex robot also oppose products like sex toys, synthetic lubrication or Viagra? In a world where technological advance often outpaces societal readiness, it is naïve to not acknowledge a growing gray area when it comes to our relationship with technology.

There is another argument that we can’t ignore; sex robots bridge the gap between fantasy and reality. In a relationship with an actual person, the world of fantasy and the realm of reality have a barrier. However, with a device like Roxxxy, fantasy becomes an immediate reality in which any whim or predilection can be realized. In a world of increasingly accessible and prevalent porn, this becomes problematic.

Some opponents of sex robots (and of porn) make the claim that it hurts women. However, I see the unfortunate effects on both the men who are using sex robots and women at large. When there is no distillation of fantasy, no hesitancy to live out a whim, those who use products like Roxxxy alienate themselves from the organic, natural intimacy that can come from sex between humans. In this way, products like Roxxxy are the embodiment of ultimate human alienation. Roxxxy’s highly customized nature promotes an idea that women should be equally customizable, with each facet of their personality and body attuned to their partner’s wishes.

Another problem I see in the discussion is the level of delusion in the binary, us-versus-them world of people who would use a sex robot and people who would not. People are quick to put themselves in a category of those who would never use a product like Roxxxy (or Rocky, the soon-to-be-released male counterpart). However, every day we partake in activities I see as merely sex robotics re-packaged.

Women aren’t alone in this, though, as some men make it a part of their coming-of-age tradition to skulk into a darkened strip club to watch women gyrate in g-strings to “Pour Some Sugar On Me.” Some of these men would recoil in horror at the thought of using a sex robot. However, watching strippers and using Roxxxy are much the same. With Roxxxy, men pay for programmed, controllable sex. With strippers, men use dollar bills to dictate what women wear, how they dance, how they talk and what they do. To many, Roxxxy represents a completely new and decidedly bad advance in machinery. If we acknowledge the cultural meaning of our own actions, we see Roxxxy as merely the next baby step in a world of entangled sex and technology.

Products like Roxxxy will continue to push the boundaries of sexual technology. More importantly, however, they will force us to examine the activities we see as pedestrian that may be equally as hurtful to others and ourselves. Are we merely Roxxxys or Rockys ourselves? Do we treat others like sex robots that breathe? While a simple acceptance or refutation of these products is perhaps the most common response, I argue that an honest examination of our actions proves that we are perhaps already following a cultural, social and moral trajectory merely accelerated by products like sex robots.

Super Bowl Vs. Puppy Bowl

2010-02-09T22:04:00.000-08:00

Bulletin, 2010

Last Sunday I made the epic hajj to the couch to watch the perennial return of the Super Bowl. The day had all the fixings to be great: a three-hour homage to a game predicated on a system of arbitrary and cryptic rules, enough junk food to make me question the power of my digestive system and the sensory overload that is the world of American professional sports. Soon, however, I was torn between hulk-like 300-pound men and adorable puppies. Which would I choose, the Super Bowl or the Puppy Bowl? In true sports fashion, I checked the stats:

The Super Bowl

What It Is: The Super Bowl is the finest display of homoeroticism since the carving of Michelangelo’s David, or, to some, the distillation of seventeen weeks of professional football. The pre-game show, halftime show and after-show cued every washed up celebrity has-been and confetti machine in the greater Miami area. For those who couldn’t care less about football, the ads typically guarantee laughs and, in this year’s case, controversy in the form of Tim Tebow and his mother railing against abortion.

Key Players: This year, fan favorite Peyton Manning and his Indianapolis Colts faced off against the New Orleans Saints and Reggie Bush, who is most famous for his other full-time job as the chief curator of Kim Kardashian’s pronounced gluteus. Additionally, Reggie Bush has remained a popular face of the NFL ever since he emerged from a highly successful college career at USC. Peyton Manning, progeny of football phenom Archie Manning and brother of NFL QB Eli, retains popularity through his dynamic appearances in commercials and his courageous battle against a lifetime of hardship brought on by having a freakishly large forehead.

The Good: The Super Bowl features flair and lots of it. Between the fireworks, the myriad of American flags, the confetti bombs, the celebrity box seats, the upturned Kool-aid coolers and the overwhelming screen graphics, the Super Bowl keeps viewers somewhere between constant entertainment and epileptic seizure. The Super Bowl is an explosion of visual and auditory clutter, just the way we like it.

The Bad: Ever since 2004’s Janet Jackson Nipplegate, the Super Bowl halftime shows have been sterile, boring mash-ups of mid-level country stars, crusty 1970s rockers and unobtrusive Disney music childbots. The halftime show is the dullest part of the multi-hour affair.

Wildcard: The Super Bowl commercials this year featured a motif that never fails to elicit laughs--talking babies. E*Trade, an online stock trading company uses computerized babies to show the ease and profitability of their do-it-yourself brokerage system. While many have heralded the Doritos commercials as the funniest this year, I always find myself laughing awkwardly loudly at a talking baby.

The Puppy Bowl

What It Is: The event follows this equation for success: puppies + puppies + puppies. Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl consists of different kinds of puppies playing with chew toys, gnawing on each other and doing all of the adorable things puppies do. Viewers typically spend the first half of the game squealing at how cute the puppies are, the second half debating which puppy is cutest and the post-game wishing they could play with a puppy.

Key Players: This is not a Jeffersonian world of puppies. Not all puppies are created equal. While I chose my preferred pet (Garbanzo, an adorable cattle dog mix), my roommates quickly chose their favorites including the hideous Sir Winston, the Cavalier King Charles with lopsided eyes. We found ourselves bitterly divided over which puppies had redeeming qualities of cuteness, playfulness and overall charisma, begging the question in our minds; Manning who? According to the advertisement that ran almost constantly, there was online voting to choose the MVP (Most Valuable Puppy). Jake, the Chihuahua/Pug mix nabbed the title this year.

The Good: The draw to a continual loop of playful puppies seems obvious. However, the game also featured a Kitty Halftime Show where kittens played with an elaborate stage full of swishing cat toys, fake furry mice and swirling feathers. It’s the Puppy Bowl… with kittens.

The Bad: Once the hipster appeal of watching puppies play a fake football game wears off, the Puppy Bowl becomes a bit monotonous. One can only watch the Puppy Bowl in stints of a few minutes before switching back to the real game. Also, the ridiculous “refereeing” done by a random man with a striped shirt and whistle required liberal use of the “mute” button. Puppies are cute enough, calling a foul for “unnecessary ruff-ruff-ruffness” tipped the scale from precious to nauseating.

Wildcard: Two words--Hamster. Blimp. When the Puppy Bowl camera switched to aerial perspective, they used a box full of hamsters crawling over miniature blimp controls. The Hamster Blimp is genius. The Hamster Blimp combined with the bunny cheerleaders, puppy players and kitty halftime show made the event an outburst of adorableness.

Grasping in the Dark

2010-02-09T22:00:00.000-08:00

Bulletin, 2010

In my hand, I hold a tiny, sleek device that promptly delivers my junk mail, Facebook updates, texts, and tweets with a delightful, cheery chirp. On my lap, a computer delivers to me on-demand music, anthologies of obscure and popular TV shows and endless sites to entertain me for hours. I love this. However, I have noticed a peculiar trend.

Clustered within the labyrinthine stacks of the legendary Powell’s bookstore, I stumbled upon the merchandise. Among the mounds of stuff, a laptop case caught my eye. Emblazoned on the front of the otherwise plain case was an inky, black drawing of an old-fashioned typewriter. Next to these cases were similar ones for an iPod, with old-fashioned gramophones drawn on the covers. Above the cases, a placard stated that they were called “Luddite Cases.” Below that, it gave a description of the Luddite Movement, which was an attempt by 19^th-century Brits to combat the (as they saw them) degrading forces of the Industrial Revolution.

The Luddites fought to destroy the means by which the Industrial Revolution affected their lives, largely focusing on the terrible conditions within the textile mills of the day. Their mission included destroying the mill machines they felt were ruining their society. Today, we romanticize the past in commercial products, and various cultural anachronisms are held in high esteem. Unlike the Luddites, however, we want to have our cake and eat it, too. Rather than destroy our iPods or our laptops (which, I don’t actually believe would solve much), we merely place them in handy, trendy, uber-expensive cases that reference nostalgia for a “simpler time.”

For just twenty-four dollars, I can, without kidding, listen to my iPod while simultaneously protecting it from the elements in that says I prefer to sit in the parlor and drop the needle on the gramophone to rock out. But the harking back to a history that perhaps never existed doesn’t stop with bags and cases. We don’t want to experience life as it was; we want to experience life suspended between then and now. Our cultural phenomena suggest both an embittered grasping towards a festishized history, and an utter dependence on and connection to modern accoutrement. Someone put the second part of the equation to me as, “becoming a society of people who think milk is made at the store.”

The trend of simultaneous entrenchment and refutation of technological reality seems to be built on one thing: realness. In a world where entire histories of conversation can be deleted with one stroke of a key, pictures only exist in clickable albums, and a physical letter in the mail is both alarming and alien, we grasp for a tangible reality—a realness we can feel. While binary, html, and the movement of electrons across millions of miles of wire mean something, they simply aren’t real. We are quick to make a fetish out of things that are handmade, vintage or in some way more tangibly individual than anything else, but we also want these things and our technology too.

One example of this is the idea of a “ranch vacation,” wherein the traveler can head to remote Montana or Wyoming to “work” on a ranch and see “Western frontier” life. Like the pioneers we are so quick to romanticize, we can ride a horse around a farm for a week and call it

ranching. Of course, few of those vacationers actually want to partake in the backbreaking, time-consuming and often exponentially unpleasant duties that go into running a working ranch. Likely, no one feels the urge to assist in the unseemly task of pulling a stuck calf out of a birthing cow or, gasp, actually kill an animal in an up-close realization of the circle of life. No, thanks, we would rather just watch the Lion King.

I assume these vacations are fun, and, if Montana is universally like any part I’ve seen of it, stunningly beautiful. However, when can we admit to ourselves that we just want to feel something real? One of the most popular Montana vacation ranches, Montana Bunkhouses, promises eager travelers “a real experience with real people.” This taste of “reality” can be tailored just the way we like it to fit our desire for immersion. On their homepage, Montana Bunkhouses suggests, “Those seeking adventure may sign up for authentic cattle drives, trail rides, or a pack trip. Others may prefer to ride in the pickup and visit with the rancher on daily rounds to feed and care for livestock.” Experience the thrill of a day in the saddle amidst a herd of horned bovines…or hop into the Dodge Ram and throw some silage into a trough.

Another example of this is the growingly popular TLC show “BBQ Pitmasters.” This show focuses on a group of traveling barbequers as they compete in contests nationwide. In a world of plastic food, drive-thru windows and preservative-packed microwave meals, it makes sense that we are drawn to a style of cooking that references an older era we imagine to be the epitome of masculinity. We imagine the BBQ Pitmasters as modern tribal nomads, cooking large quantities of raw meat over an open flame. Proving our reliance on the machinery of modernity coupled with our longing for a realer past, the show uses the technique and technology of today, while still paying homage to primal cooking. In each episode, the barbeque masters use state-of-the-art grills, high-tech culinary technique and sophisticated sauces while still connecting to the metaphor of the man cooking his kill over an open fire. The show’s popularity represents another fusion of our desire to return to realness while retaining the equipment of today.

On a smaller scale, I find myself involved in this exact sort of charade as I make the trek to Greenbluff every year. Often in the weeks leading up to Halloween, I look down upon those who buy their pumpkins at Safeway. Pshaw, how can they not go pick their own? I ask myself, my theoretical arm tiring from mentally patting myself on the back for getting a “real pumpkin.”

Aside from finding an excuse to eat two pieces of pie in one meal, I find myself wanting to return to Greenbluff because it seems more real. Somehow picking a pumpkin in Northern Spokane, where a docile pygmy goat sulks in a square cordoned off by chicken wire allows me to buy into the ruse that I am experiencing the season. Being at Greenbluff gives us, the idea of realness—touching, smelling, seeing and hearing the sounds of the season—no matter how canned they may be.

On the occasions that I darken the door of the gym, I am mesmerized by the Expresso Fitness Bikes. On these popular bikes, one can set the screen to project a mountainous trail, a grueling street climb or a dirt path. Granted, the snowy Spokane winter prevents much in the way of bike riding any time between November and March, but these machines may very well be the embodiment of the trend. We love the fact that we can ride a bike in a warm room at the gym, but we also want to pretend we are on a mountain trail, making the competition more real. With their computerized pacers, pixilated landscapes and rising popularity, these bikes give us exactly what we want—modern technology with a hefty homage to a glorified tangibility.

In the debate surrounding our place in the trajectory of history, we find ourselves in a proverbial no-man’s-land. We are not firmly planted in modernity, as we suffer from an undeniable discontentedness spurred by historical anachronism. However, we cannot claim full post-modernity as we are still indelibly tied to the technology that is paramount to material modernity. Perhaps the person who buys a pumpkin at Safeway hasn’t given up, they simply don’t buy into the sort of one-foot-in philosophy of things like Greenbluff, Luddite cases, Expresso Fitness bikes and Montana Bunkhouse vacations. Some of us are not so lucky and we find ourselves stuck in the middle, caught between the nebulous reality we experience and the yearning for a concrete reality we want.

Formatting Issues

2009-12-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

Please disregard the formatting issues on the last few posts, I am in the process of trying to figure out what's wrong with the site...

Fox and Gaga

2009-12-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

Bulletin, 2009

“She’s too weird.”

“She’s a slut.”

“I heard she’s a tranny.”

These are all criticisms we have heard of two explosively famous female stars today: Megan Fox and Lady Gaga. While these two starlets dominate the latest TMZ, Perez Hilton and Us Weekly circles, they remain on distinctly divergent paths. Plenty of tween, teen, young adult and middle aged people are more than happy to regale you with a full explanation of why they hate/love/can’t stand/are devoted to Fox or Gaga. I suppose this article is a continuation of that.

I hate Megan Fox. I love Lady Gaga. Let me tell you why.

Megan Fox has been proclaimed the “Sexiest Woman in the World” and continues to rule atop her throne as queen of the fanboy wet dream. Hated by many women, Fox continues to get into the press for her so-called “outrageous” quotes and her nearly nude photos. Most women who hate her emote from a place of jealousy, wishing they too had a stellar rack, toned stomach and pinchable tush. Women with low self-esteem everywhere woefully lament their physical differences from her. This is not why I hate Megan Fox. I hate Megan Fox because she is not outrageous. She sells barely scandalous smut to those who choose to pretend they aren’t sexual beings. Talking about bi-sexual trysts with Los Angeles strippers is not outrageous; it’s pandering.

What I hate about Megan Fox is that she plays into the very gender dichotomy she claims to be so ardently against. She knows that the average young American woman is uncomfortable with sexuality, sexiness and sex itself. She then tells stories to magazines like Esquire and GQ meant to titillate the tight-laced masses and get them to become engrossed. With one breath she whines about the “archaic Biblical principles” that bind women to repressed sexuality and with another she blurts, “It’s very unfortunate because men are embraced for their sexual prowess and women discouraged from it,” while she not-so-subtly sucks on an ice cube in a barely-there bikini for the ogling pleasure of readers everywhere, watching the money pile up.

On the topic of young girls in the entertainment industry, Fox gripes, “But it’s not right. They take these little girls, and they put them through entertainment school and teach them to sing and dance, and make them wear belly shirts, but they won’t allow them to be their own people. It makes me sick.” In the same article she appears in pictures that hundreds of women have appeared in before—the sexy swimsuit, the bra and panties, the men’s button-up, it’s all been done before, call it cookie-cutter sex appeal.

While Fox decries the horrors of blatant sexuality as a curse for the average woman, leaving her forced to pretend as if it doesn’t exist while living in a world that placed vapid sexiness at a premium, she whines about women not being allowed to be smart and sexy. Then, with the same sort of back-and-forth that makes my blood boil, she says, in an interview with the men’s magazine Esquire, “I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson--who I have nothing against--but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard, but I do. And part of it is my own fault." Let me get this straight, Ms. Fox, you want to empower women but speaking with a vocabulary meant to be mastered by high-schoolers and being sexy because you’re smart is to be looked down upon? You’ve truly lost me.

Megan Fox doesn’t degrade women by posing in a ripped shirt covered in oil on top of a muscle car. She degrades women by not bringing anything else to the table. It seems just as repressive to women’s (and indeed, men’s) rights to bottle up human sexuality as it is to flaunt it as a tool for international fame. Hiding your body and feeling ashamed is just as bad as using it as a pop cultural calling card. Empowering women involves embracing both your body and your mind.

Lady Gaga is often placed alongside stars like Megan Fox in the pantheon of the criticized as “too weird.” Her non-traditional outfits, music videos and live performances have created a swirl of condemnation from critics large and small. Gaga, too, goes on the record frequently talking about her bisexuality, what she looks for in a lover, and is an outspoken advocate for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender rights. Some use this as evidence that she is merely a modern day shock jockey, riding the controversy of her rule-bending comments. They are wrong. She is much more. One thing separates Lady Gaga from Megan Fox--substance.

According to her biography, Gaga makes her own costumes, learned piano by ear at age four, and was a student (one of only 20) at the highly prestigious Tisch School of the Arts at NYU. Her impressive resume stacks up with her impressive popularity and skyrocketing record sales. When questioned by Rolling Stone’s Brian Hiatt about her sexiness, she replies, “I don’t feel like I look like the other perfect little pop singers…I think I am changing what people think is sexy.” She is certainly changing perceptions.

As for the rumors of her purported transsexuality, Gaga shrugs off the critics and makes frequent reference to her true fans. She, like Fox, fights the same sort of sexist blathering of fools who can’t comprehend a strong-headed, in-your-face female personality bringing sexiness to the table. However, Gaga answers with a savvy confidence that radiates and truly inspires young women (and young men) to be who they really are. She proves more than a willingness to be different. She shows a willingness to be unique. In a world where counter-culture is as pedestrian as a trip to the local mall, Lady Gaga breaks the mold—calling for liberation by individuality.

In the same Rolling Stone interview, Gaga said, “My true legacy will be the test of time, and whether I can sustain a space in pop culture and really make stuff that will have a genuine impact.”

I can only hope her legacy is an empowerment of all genders and a validation of individualism.

Pop Culture to Hurt the Soul

2009-11-09T10:44:00.000-08:00

Originally Published, Gonzaga Bulletin, 2009

Lately, the world of pop culture has remained relatively calm. Britney is back on the wagon, Paris has kept the crotch shots to a minimum, Rihanna-beating Chris Brown has been relegated to community service and the Kardashian wedding fervor seems to have subsided to a dull roar. While most sane, productive members of society do not care about these people and their outlandish lives, I can’t help but long for the days when I could fill my extra time with a horrifyingly serious following of this type of celebrity ridiculousness—and I think you do too. Well, take solace, all ye crestfallen and beleaguered masses—rejoice in the return of the worst kinds of celebrity trash culture. These shows and songs are sure to provide a more than ample fix of the sort of pop culture that hurts the soul.

Real Housewives of the O.C.(Bravo): This season, the housewives make a return to the original Real destination. While these women fall somewhere between human and plastic, their devastatingly tacky taste, their nouveau riche mega mansions and their penchant for public mudslinging keep the viewers coming back. This season opens with a return to the inter-season beef between housewife (who is technically not anyone’s wife) Gretchen and older self-professed MILF-wannabe Tamra, centered on nude pictures of Gretchen released earlier this year. It would seem logical that being on this show would be humiliating enough, but the addition of your nude photos released to the public would likely cause any rational being to seriously consider a life as a Carmelite nun. Luckily, none of the housewives feel this way and new episodes air on Bravo Wednesdays at 10. On the scale of one to soul crushing, I rate this show a 7.

Broke and Famous (VH1): This show features two things that are necessities in a hit show: obscure former teen stars and extreme mismanagement of young fame money. The first episode of this show features the downward spiral of Charles in Charge’s Buddy, Willie Aames. Likely, you are asking yourself, “Who is Willie Aames?” Aames has emerged from obscurity and the opening episode follows Willie as he attempts to crawl out from under massive debt, repair a broken relationship with his wife and kids and blah, blah, blah… This show typically airs in reruns around 3am and for good reason. Enjoy this show after a serious night of imbibing.

For the Love of Ray J 2 (VH1): This show is hands-down the best throw-down joke punch line for culture nerds. Many of the reality shows where a G-list celebrity searches for love amongst a bevy of strippers, “professional cheerleaders,” and gold-diggers don’t exactly fall under the category of “progressive” when it comes to gender. FTLORJ2 certainly follows suit, as the opening episode features a scantily clad cattle call of desperate skanks vying for Ray J’s attention. At their opening dinner, the ladies take a moment to step away from their Hypnotiq and cheap vodka to be given nicknames by Ray J himself. While many of the names were fitting, albeit obvious, somehow, I don’t think this is what Confucius meant when he referred to a “rectification of names”. The ladies stood up one by one and received names based on basic characteristics of their lives. The show’s only bilingual woman is re-named “Caliente,” the token Italian girl is “Fettuccine,” and an older woman with a short, frosty haircut is named “MZ Berry” in honor of Halle herself. This show falls somewhere between “genius” and brain-achingly bad.

Justin Bieber, One Time: Finally, a male answer to Miley Cyrus. This Canadian pop pipsqueak makes the pre-pubescent ladies swoon with hits like the grammatically depressing “One Less Lonely Girl,” and the slightly less popular “Favorite Girl.” With such inscrutable titles, great scholars still debate the true meanings of his fine lyricism and cryptic metaphors. As a protégé of Usher, Bieber has exploded onto this scene, showing an adept use of tools like YouTube to propel his music to the farthest reaches of teen pop fans. Bieber’s single, “One Time” features my new favorite contraction “I’ma,” and a frequent use of “shawty,” which never fails to evoke a chuckle. Catch his videos online and have a listen to Justin Bieber before his voice changes.

Kim Zolciak, Tardy For The Party: Real Housewife of Atlanta Kim Zolciak hits (shrieks) a high note (almost) with her much talked about single, “Tardy for the Party.” Watching this cartoonish woman “sing” on live TV and shamelessly promote her single is funny until you realize that she is mother to two young girls. Lyrics like this make me appreciate the fact that my own mother is nothing like this horrible woman: “I'll be feelin' good by nine/After my third glass of wine/On the dance floor lookin' fine/All the boys tryin' to get in line.” Boys? Dear Kim Zolciak, you’re gross. And old. Please act accordingly.

To William Safire

2009-09-29T01:38:00.000-07:00

Many students on campus will remember last Sunday as nothing more than “that day I caught up on homework” or “that day before Monday.” However, I hope to remember it as much more than that. Last Sunday, September 27th, we lost one of the greatest masters of language, William Safire. While Safire’s inflammatory political past as a speechwriter for Richard Nixon likely stands in the way of garnering unanimous support, his faithfulness to intentional writing remains largely unrivaled.
In the mass of tweets, texts and status updates, many wordsmiths feel forlorn amongst the LOLs and the OMGs. Safire’s contrarian existence among the op-ed staff of the New York Times was only a glimmer of what made him so special. His keen observations of our relationship with the words that shape our world in his column “On Language,” remain a staggering collective masterpiece in a life characterized by an insatiably minute attention to the English language.
As a young, aspiring writer and self-professed “word nerd,” I long for Safire’s wit, immense vocabulary and inspiring belief in the power of words and their infinite combinations. Though his life was shaped by international political and physical breakdowns and buildups of centuries-long institutions, Safire never forgot the proportional gravity and power of the written word.
While we may not all agree with the content of his pieces, we must acknowledge his masterful grasp of our language. As we move closer to a world where our written exchanges are limited to 140 characters, I hope we will all try to be more intentional, deliberate and thoughtful in how we use the myriad of words bestowed upon us. Although Safire himself will no longer be around to chastise those “nattering nabobs of negativism,” he will always be present as writers everywhere delight in picking the perfect word.

Modern Day Rain Dance

2009-09-25T10:27:00.000-07:00

Published, Bulletin, 2009

Typically by this time in the year, Gonzaga students find themselves breaking out their sweaters, trying to squeeze into last year’s jeans and sipping on hot coffee drinks again. However, Mother Nature has chosen to bequeath us with a bevy of sunshine and sweltering classrooms deep into the heart of September. Yes, it is nice outside. However, as a true Northwest native, I can’t help but yearn for a blustery day.

The idea of a “rain dance” is certainly not foreign to our collective consciousness. However, times have changed, and buckskin drums have been replaced with almost unnoticeable earphones blasting ninety-nine cent tunes. I have decided to put on my own rain dance of sorts, replete with dreary-weather-inducing tunes. As I stroll to class feeling uncomfortable in my shorts and tank top, hoping I will stop sweating before I reach the 4th floor of Admin (it will always be Admin in my heart), I plug in and hope for gray. Here are the songs that can put you in that blustery mindset, even if the weather outside disagrees.

Old College Try, The Mountain Goats: In this uber-depressing cut from their 2002 album Tallahassee, The Mountain Goats know how to make love lost poignant and perhaps even funny. This simultaneously catchy and soul-crushing song features the genius description of a relationship mess, offering, “Like a trashcan fire in a prison cell/ Like the searchlights in the parking lots of hell/ I will walk down to the end with you/ If you will come all the way down with me.” Put this in your ear when you wish you were curling up and snuggling down on a cold day.

Skinny Love, Bon Iver: Maybe it’s just the story of this band’s genesis that necessitates this Bon Iver’s place in the pantheon of bad weather music. Bandleader Justin Vernon found refuge in a winter Wisconsin cabin and recorded one of the most intimate, complex and unique sounding records in recent memory. While other tracks, including Flume and re:Stacks are equally great, this song is best for the long walk to class on Mondays.

Nothing Matters When We’re Dancing, Magnetic Fields: Most. Genius. Band. Ever. This song is both adorable and brilliant. Magnetic Fields is the perfect way to coax the gray day out from hiding. The music is both peppy and smooth and the lyrics include this gem, which may be one of my favorite lines of all time, “And nothing matters when we're dancing / In tat or tatters you're entrancing / Be we in Paris or in Lansing/ Nothing matters when we're dancing.” From their epic 69 Love Songs 3-CD project, this song is sure to be a good bet as the sun beats down on your face and you long for a cloud in the sky.

Nobody Knows Me At All, The Weepies: Don’t let the band fool you; this awesome group’s music is not as depressing as their name suggests. This song is particularly appropriate as an iPod cut, where earphones isolate you in your own audio world. Roll out knits, hoodies and boots; this short ditty is the perfect cap to a playlist that beckons the fall weather.

Perhaps you are a sun-worshipper, soaking up these extra rays of the Indian summer. If you wish for a cooler day to mix it up put on these songs to coax a stubborn raindrop from even the sunniest Spokane days.

A Smattering of Summer

2009-09-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

The Bulletin, 2009

That perennial time has come again when returning students scuffle around campus in hurried steps, cinder blocks move to and fro and the year begins again. For three months, we have wandered aimlessly, you and I, untethered in the world of entertainment. It’s good to be back. As a welcome back of sorts, let’s take a look down memory lane. This summer brought us great movies, revolutionary music and TV that means something.

Movies like Adventureland and 500 Days of Summer touched our hearts, taught us how to re-live our own awkward adolescences and better understand the ups and downs of love, lust and growing up. Blitzen Trapper released a groundbreaking EP and Mad Men returned with more surprises.

Adventureland: OK, so this movie was technically released in April, but since I saw it in a second-run pub theater this summer, I am counting it as a summer movie. In Greg Mottola’s coming-of-age tale, the loveable, awkward, sonnet-loving James Brennan (deftly portrayed by Jesse Eisenberg) finds himself employed at the apex of nihilist nothingness—the Adventureland theme park, and finds himself falling for the gorgeous, yet troubled Em. Yes, this movie does feature the abominable Kristin Stewart of Twilight fame. However, don’t let that stop you from enjoying this simultaneously inspiring, hilarious, and heartbreaking film. Typically, the word “transformative” is reserved for big toothed, Tony Robbins-style self-help hacks, but this film is exactly that—it has changed the way the rite of passage film tackles the rough terrain of first love. Adventureland is for anyone who has ever fallen in love, anyone who hasn’t, and anyone in between.

500 Days of Summer: Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt wow in this austere, beautiful film about unrequited love. As Tom (Gordon-Levitt) remembers his 500 days with Summer (Deschanel), he swings from emotional highs and lows. 500 Days of Summer moves quickly between moments of elation and desperation and features a mind-blowing soundtrack. This movie is movingly honest and, when paired with Adventureland, skillfully captures the myriad of emotions embroiled in romantic endeavor.

Black River Killer EP: Portland indie fave Blitzen Trapper has been slowly gaining popularity in and out of the Northwest. Their new EP single Black River Killer is a haunting narrative that is marks a clear departure from their other work. Released in late August, Black River Killer tells a first person story of a serial killer traveling across the United States. This band oscillates between Grateful Dead-like tonality and storytelling ability unheard since old Dylan work. The EP features six other previously unreleased songs but Black River Killer is a must-hear, you won’t be disappointed.

Mad Men: The 60s sensation is back! Mad Men follows the lives of those at the Sterling Cooper advertising agency, in and out of the office. Its narrative complexity, expert costume design, dynamic characterization and historical bend all contribute to this show garnering worthy reputation as one of the most enthralling shows on TV. In addition to all its unique attributes, the show boasts two things no other show has—Christina Hendricks and Jon Hamm. The casting is superb across the board but these two actors, Hendricks as Joan and Hamm as Don Draper are enough to make tuning in worthwhile. Tune in Monday nights at 9pm on AMC.

Summer may be over, but you can still savor the times of late sunsets, tanlines and driving with the windows down with these music, movie and TV picks. Welcome back!

A Memo From Gonzaga University Administration RE: Swine Flu

2009-09-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

Dear Students,

Please do not panic.

As your professors have mentioned, we have set up your classes on Blackboard as a safety measure in the event of imminent swine flu epidemic. Please take all necessary precautions to avoid getting the swine flu including, but not limited to: getting a flu shot, and avoiding eating, drinking, breathing or touching anything on this campus. Rest assured, you will still be able to access the assignments necessary for your class once you are enveloped in unavoidable feverish madness. Indeed, from the comfort of your own quarantined bed in a 19th century-style sanatorium that will be constructed to replace the COG, you can complete web postings, turn in essays and swap notes on the hideous pus extruding from your facial orifices.

But let’s be real. Swine flu is hardly the greatest threat facing this campus. Some of the threats facing us are not immediately quelled by a five-dollar flu shot. Have you ever considered your plan of action in the zombie day of reckoning? Do you know what to do in the event of a doppelganger army takeover? What will happen after the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride onto campus? Luckily for you, the University has prepared for all of these looming crises poised to derail our academic year.

Likely, in the near future, this campus, as well as the rest of the country, will be teeming with virtually unstoppable zombies thirsty for brain matter. When this occurs, please visit Crosby Student Center for your Zag Zombie Baseball Bat (all costs charged to your student account). When used deftly, these bulldog-themed aluminum sluggers can provide the cranial-crushing blows necessary to ward off an attacking zombie. Do not try any other method to rid your domain of these vicious creatures. While kicking, punching, yelling or spitting at zombies may seem reasonable, nothing is as effective or satisfying as hearing that familiar splatter of zombie brains fly through the air with ease.

Similarly, when an army of doppelgangers takes over this campus under the cloak of night, it will become a mess of students, faculty, and staff and their ghostly counterparts. Likely, it will be difficult for you to keep a clear mind regarding who everyone is. Once, again, Blackboard will come to your aid, as classes will be held online. When you greet them, make sure you do not allow them access to your Blackboard information. Additionally, make sure to mark yourself showing everyone that you are in fact you, and not your doppelganger. This extra effort will make attendance in class much easier for your teacher, as it will cut down awkwardness when you and your doppelganger reply in unison, “Here.” That is, unless the swine flu has already set in…

Lastly, if you are on campus and you hear the chilling clap of horseshoes you will know it is the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Try not to be afraid of their swinging scythes, black hooded capes and horses’ blood red eyes. These gentle giants are really just misunderstood. Hurt by the recession like many others, these four guys found temp work traveling the globe, dispensing unfortunate news to banished souls regarding their eternal damnation to the boiling cauldron of brimstone, fire and the High School Musical soundtrack known as Hell. Please be advised that you will need to notify your RA in the event of your untimely departure from this earthly realm to avoid penalties including the rescindence of your housing deposit. With each incoming class growing exponentially, we must use our campus housing to its maximum potential.

Hopefully, these tips provide you a moment of calm in a world of imminent threat. Please feel free to send any questions in a scientifically sealed, sanitary envelope to the Office of the President. When one or all of these catastrophes descend upon our beloved campus, DO NOT PANIC. Please utilize this manual and your Blackboard account to ride out the disgusting, life-threatening and horrific calamities predicted for the 2009-2010 academic year. Go Zags.

Sincerely,

Dr. Thayne McCulloh
Interim University President

2009-08-04T16:16:00.000-07:00

Hello loyal fans (all 3 of you!) follow me on Twitter @bananalaney for bite-sized morsels of unabashed narcissism!

I promise I will entertain you in fewer than 140 characters.

Cheers,
Hanna

Cheers, Portland

2009-05-31T00:20:00.000-07:00

2009

The town of Portland, Oregon and I have a relationship of extremes. That is to say, I am at once enraptured and disgusted, admiring and eye rolling, in love and exasperated. However, I suppose here is neither the time nor the place to go into the greater details of my history with the Rose City.

. . .

I had recently returned home for the summer. The moment was both promising and bittersweet. I was simultaneously on the cusp of an exciting job and an entire season of enjoying my newly minted non-minor status as well as doing the sort of re-evaluation one seems to find a necessary evil at some point(s) in their college career.

The first warm evening of the summer I found myself with nothing to do. With two good hours of sunlight left I rolled my bike onto the MAX and whizzed towards downtown. It would be my first excursion in the city with my new cherry red cruiser, which I had dubbed “Bettie Page,” thinking I was perhaps more clever than I truly was. Decked out in my ultra uncool red helmet and makeshift-reflective seafoam green workout shorts, I was ready to ride.

Once in the heart of the city I pedaled towards the twinkling lights, bustling noise and competing smells of cotton candy, hot dog and carnival pony coming from the waterfront Rose Festival. I gingerly weaved through the crowded bike path, crossing the bridge, watching the city sunset from the east. By this time, my new bike seat seemed less comfortable with each pedal and I pushed back on my coaster brakes and smoothly stopped near an open bench for a break. Slowly removing my helmet, I sat down and rested my feet on my parked bike sitting in front of me, squinting at the sun.

From my solitary seat the cars scooting along the bridges, the festival rides swirling and twirling, and the chatter of people on the bike path behind me provided an intoxicating glimpse into the city’s simultaneous discordance and harmony. I breathed a deep sigh of contentment and soaked in the city around me.

Suddenly, a noise startled me and I was jolted from a relaxed gaze. A man, perhaps in his early 30s met my eyes with a smile. His face was dingy, but not filthy, and he carried a faded backpack and guitar case slung around his shoulder. With one hand he pulled a bottle from a sixpack and set it in my hand, resting on the side of the bench.

“Can I give you a few bucks for this?” I asked, caught off guard by his generosity.

“No, no,” he replied with a chuckle. “Just keep sittin’ and starin’ like you were.”

As I opened the bottle with my shirt folded into my hand I quietly smiled to myself… Only in Portland do the homeless people drink microbrews.

I asked the man what his name was, he said it was Tracy. We chatted briefly, then found ourselves quietly sitting alone on our separate benches. After thanking him I sat back, took a swig from my bottle, and watched the last glimmers of the sun dance on the river water. Tracy and I made eye contact and I raised my bottle in a silent toast.

“Here’s to me,” he said, “and here’s to you.”

At that moment, his concise words seemed perfect. Perfect because the moment seemed to encapsulate what I love best about this city—everyone can simply be themselves. Perhaps this is the type of experience that writers for the New York Times hope to capture in their increasingly frequent articles about the city.

Part of me is excited that people finally see the unique world Portland has to offer, but, at the same time, the rest of me wants the city to remain a quiet treasure. That Sunday night I sat on the bench with my bike, beer and buddy, I experienced the city for what it is—the sights, the sounds, the smells and most importantly, the unique moments of human interaction.

To Portland, I think Tracy said it best… Here’s to me.

And here’s to you.

Summer Plans

2009-05-04T01:31:00.000-07:00

Originally published, Bulletin, 2009

As the year comes to a close, we may find ourselves writhing in the emotional doldrums. The economy is in the can, snow flurried on campus in April and various other social maladies continue to pursue us with dogged perseverance. But never fear! There are still some great events yet to come and some simply ridiculous entertainment memories to reconsider.

This year brought the inevitable clash of Britney Spears' circus-like existence and her eponymous comeback album, we saw a greasy Russell Brand offend everyone with both his salacious pseudo-jokes and his preposterous rat's nest hairdo, and a cadre of celebrity crotch shots, not to mention a relatively lackluster year at the Hollywood box office.

While the school year may be coming to a close, the spring and summer entertainment season is just heating up. On-campus events like the Death Cab concert and Madonnastock still loom on the horizon. Also, regional summer events promise entertainment.

On April 24, Death Cab for Cutie will descend upon Gonzaga and headline a long set at McCarthey. Death Cab has gotten the brunt of the publicity but the concert also features Ra Ra Riot and Cold War Kids - two bands that shouldn't go unnoticed. Cold War Kids blend a rock style with a bit of a hipster edge and Ra Ra Riot is an indie rock band that pumps an energetic vibe. See below for info about where they will be playing this summer. I am the first to get in line behind Death Cab but their openers are not to be merely ignored as such. Tuning out during these opening acts in impatience for the main show would be a mistake!

The following day, Gonzaga University tradition Madonnastock will play on Foley Lawn. Last year, the weather cooperated and a bright sunny day ushered in the good, the bad and the hilarious in on-campus bands. Highlights included a jean short-clad Rod Aminian as frontman of Boy Rainbow 2.0. Ok, so maybe the tunes aren't always rockin', but who doesn't love sitting outside and enjoying (even bad) music? With an exceptionally long winter behind us, students campus-wide should be ready for a healthy dose of sunshine.

May 23-25, many will make the trek to the Gorge to see the Sasquatch Music Festival. This ultra-cool 3-day music-a-thon features kickass bands like the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Kings of Leon, The Decemberists, Ra Ra Riot, former Spokanite DJ James Pants, Mos Def, TV On the Radio, of Montreal, Erykah Badu, Girl Talk and Santigold â€¦ just to name a few. The festival also features comedy from comedians like Todd Barry and The Whitest Kids U'Know. Just go see this thing; it's totally worth it.

If you don't want to travel far, Hoopfest is for you. A Spokane tradition, Hoopfest lines the streets with hundreds of ballers and wannabes playing 4-on-4 games. This year, the tournament is June 27 and 28 and promises the same sort of relaxed atmosphere it brings back year after year. Head downtown to see some of these games, ranging in competitiveness from laid-back to cutthroat.

For those who prefer their entertainment while they sit on the couch, the NBA playoffs are sure to thrill. Normally, I would make some snide remark about the extremely long playoff season or the glacial pace at which teams advance through the tournament, but this year it's different for one reason - the Portland Trail Blazers. You may be saying, "Why would I give a crap about the Blazers?" Well, with the unfortunate demise of the entity formerly known as the Seattle Sonics, the Blazers are geographically the closest thing Spokane has to a "home team" in the NBA. The days of the Jail Blazers are gone and what better way to celebrate the end of the academic year by cracking a cold one and watching Brandon Roy and the boys rock the tourney?

As we draw closer to bidding the 2008-2009 academic year adieu, let's get ready to celebrate with on-campus events and summer fun alike. So get out there and enjoy the sun! Take a study break to catch great on-campus music or set your sights on summer entertainment - either way, you're guaranteed to have a good time.

How MTV Became Cool Without Carson

2009-05-04T01:19:00.000-07:00

originally published, Bulletin, 2009

Most of us can remember the days when middle school girls wearing their butterfly clips and their back pocket-less jeans and boys in their polos and cargo shorts hopped off the bus, enjoyed whatever microwaved snack and religiously flipped the channel to TRL. Or perhaps, we remember entire high school Saturdays filled with "Next" marathons and being able to name the castmates from each season of "Real World." After years of arguing over MTV's relative coolness to "sell out" ratio and their noticeable lack of music videos, we reach a new point.

Today, there is no more "TRL," and "Real World" goes unnoticed in a sea of reality TV; a geriatric pioneer slowly drifting away, and shows like "Next" and "Room Raiders" are reserved solely for drunken 3 a.m. viewing. The current lineup includes shows like "Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory," "Nitro Circus," Justin Timberlake-produced "The Phone."

These shows feature over-the-top stunts, wild re-creation of material dreams, neck-breaking dance moves, and heart-pumping drama . . . at least they're supposed to. With these new shows, as well as the rotating graphics-based identity of the MTV brand, many ask if MTV is regaining their cool.

At first glance, it seems so. The network's seamless integration of music and TV shows forces a top-40 soundtrack to our lives (much to the chagrin of music junkies) and likely provides ample space to drive iTunes downloads. However, it is the new lineup of shows that says a bit more. These shows provide escape.

In tense economic, political and social times, it sometimes seems like worldly woes burden our every thought. Each show offers a unique moment of withdrawal for the viewer in a different way.

"Fantasy Factory" is perhaps the most obvious of these escapist shows, offering both the subjects and the viewer a momentary promise of eternity spent in fantasy life within a pimped-out warehouse. Like his old show and undeniable crowd-pleaser, "Rob & Big," Dyrdek and Co. promise hilarity and outrageousness in 30-minute blocks. Whether Dyrdek is building a massive zipline across the building, enough skateboard ramping to inspire relative awe, or scheming up a new, outlandish fantasy to fulfill, the viewer is sucked into a world where one can remain a child forever. In "Fantasy Factory," looming economic fallout or global warfare stand down to giant inflatable toys and an indoor go-kart track. Like the title says, Dyrdek offers us a fantastical wormhole in which to escape the worries of the world.

Similarly, "Nitro Circus" contributes to the network as a crypto-"Jackass" without the drug-addled Steve-O or ringleader Johnny Knoxville (well, beside their persistent "cameos"). Just think of "Nitro Circus" as a "Jackass" with considerably fewer liters of vomit. In the show, Travis Pastrana and other BMX riders scour the world in search of the next stunt and thrill.

Years ago, stunt pros like Evel Kneivel captivated audiences with death defying jumps and cannon exits. The members of "Nitro Circus" offer an updated version of amusement through possibly bone-shattering feats of man and machine. However, unlike Knievel, it seems that the point of "Nitro Circus" is to capture an off-hand crash, burn, explosion or otherwise unfortunate bodily injury. Catering to a more stunt-sensitive audience today, "Nitro Circus" appeals to the same kids as Knievel but with a bit less class.

Justin Timberlake's "The Phone," which debuted Saturday night, puts contestants (who apparently have no knowledge of what awaits them) in a game of high-stakes cash prizes in exchange for daring risks at the beckoning call of an anonymous, heavily accented phone operator. Some say the show is merely an "Amazing Race" or "Survivor" remake with JT's face plastered on it. However, I argue the show is about much more than that. In a world where things seem constantly in flux, the idea of an omnipotent higher power (the phone operator, did someone say "Deal or No Deal") commanding seemingly heroic feats of mind and body for a greater goal appeals . . . and indeed holds some serious symbolism.

To some, these shows mean nothing; they simply represent a dumbing-down of American youth, a gluttonous society based on conspicuous spending, or a culture obsessed with bloody injury. However, they seem to provide at least temporary escape from worldly woes and transport us to different time, chronological age, or financial means.

Maybe MTV isn't so meaningless after all.

Kicking Out the Old School and Bringing In the New

2009-04-21T22:42:00.000-07:00

Media Credit: courtesy of rottentomatoes.com

That was then.

[Click to enlarge]

Media Credit: courtesy of vanityfair.com

This is now

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Published, The Bulletin, 2009

Comedy is changing. In an arena previously dominated by the Will Ferrell-Owen Wilson-Vince Vaughn-Luke Wilson powerhouse team, a new crew is taking the spotlight and doing it awkwardly. The grandiose goofballs of olde provided us with hours of entertainment, changing our vernacular to include every linguistic nuance of "Anchorman," "Old School" and "Talladega Nights," forcing us to witness more of a whitey-tighty clad Ferrell than we thought we could ever stomach, and just generally creating a ruckus.

That was old comedy - loud, raucous and vulgar as hell.

Today, though, the movie comedy world is controlled by loveable lads like Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Seth Rogen and Michael Cera. These guys are changing up the game by providing us with incredibly accessible comedy. Where Ferrell and Co. provided us with outlandish characters we could laugh at from afar, Segel, Rudd and Rogen portray people we would like to kick it with. Girls crush on Cera, Rudd and Segel (and maybe, even thought we might not admit it, Rogen) and guys want to be them. In short, awkward is the new hot.

Movies like "I Love You, Man," "Knocked Up," "Superbad" and "Pineapple Express" offer a type of comedy in which the viewer can identify with the characters. Whether we watch Rudd in search of the perfect bromance, Cera pine for teenage love, Segel cry at his piano after a breakup, or Rogen deal with an unplanned pregnancy, we feel like we are watching our friends or even ourselves. These men make us laugh partly because they say the things we think, except they say it funnier.

Rudd and Segel's journey toward bromance in the recently released "I Love You, Man" provides ample evidence of this comedic shift. Segel appears in what has now become his typical role: a laid-back earnest guy with uncannily witty observations on daily life. When we first see the two "slappin' da bass" in Segel's mancave, we want in. The genius of these types of movies is that they revolve around simple guys doing simple stuff. There is a twinge of the old Farrell-esque comedy (cut to scene featuring Lou Ferrigno putting Segel in a sleeperhold) but the brightest moments shine when Rudd and Segel are engaged in awkward banter. Laughs are guaranteed as Rudd makes uncomfortable attempts at nicknaming, settling on the oddly hilarious "Jobin" for Segel. The two lovable dorks are charming.

This same sort of narrative also guides blockbusters like "Superbad," in which the played out teen sex comedy is revived. Cera shines as the sympathetic loser in all his films. Cera has reconstructed the heartthrob to fit today - where tube socks, a large vocabulary and earnest intentions trump washboard abs and a dickish attitude. Comedy used to be about the bad boy, now it's just about the boy next door.

This shift signals a change in the world of the comedy movie, but it may also say something about us that has little to do with film. The shift from outlandish to awkward ushers in an era of the resurgence of the nice guy. Wordsmiths unite, because in this world of new comedy, you are the kings and queens. No longer is someone's comedic value based on the decibel count of their yell, their ability to crack beer cans on their head, or anything of the sort. Today, a well-said joke has legs.

Undoubtedly, this new change is here to stay.

South By Southwest unrivaled in scope and credibility

2009-04-05T12:51:00.000-07:00

published, Gonzaga Bulletin 2009

Media Credit: courtesy of kalamu.com

The Blue Scholars, a hip-hop group with Northwest roots, who dropped beats on the front steps of Crosby last fall, also lit up the stage in the South By Southwest festival.

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Media Credit: courtesy of freeringtones365.net

Above: The Cold War Kids (above), participants in South By Southwest, will visit Gonzaga in April along with Death Cab for Cutie and Ra Ra Riot.

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Last Sunday marked the end of the eight-day music festival South By Southwest (SXSW), which has become colloquially known as being the coolest music festival this side of Woodstock. While the event itself actually features music, interactive art and film, it is best known for bringing the hippest indie bands together for a week of mind-blowing live music in Austin, Texas.

Music, what SXSW has been steadily becoming known for, started on Thursday and went through Sunday with multiple venues featuring a blowout lineup of hundreds of performers. The schedule included performances from well-known artists and bands like Third Eye Blind, Rick Ross and Ben Harper. The list also included many bands merely on the cusp of their burgeoning success including: Blue Scholars (noted Northwest favorite), Natalie Portman's Shaved Head, Starfucker, Cold War Kids (who will be traveling to Gonzaga in late April with Death Cab), Peter, Bjorn and John, P.O.S. Gomez, Andrew Bird, Explosions in the Sky, and Dead Prez. The exhausting list of artists included music from a multitude of genres including rock, alternative, singer-songwriter, electronic, DJ and hip-hop.

The festival even included perennial throw-down joke band The Oak Ridge Boys as well as the ridiculously side-ponytailed female MC Lady Sovereign.

SXSW has been putting on a festival since 1987, and has grown in popularity, especially within the last five to 10 years. The festival is held every year in Austin and has become a cultural icon for superstars and hopeful bands to come together, providing attendees intimate and unparalleled access to live music performance.

In both scope and credibility, SXSW is unrivaled. Many speculate on the reasons for the festival's success, and it is largely based on three separate elements. First, SXSW offers a uniquely largely cross-section of current music, without most of the fluff that seems to pass for popular music. Second, the festival creates not just entertainment but an experience, tapping into the wealth of the blogging community. Last, SXSW is just good, old-fashioned fun.

The ability of SXSW to draw a massive variety of bands now is undoubtedly related to its growing reputation as the source for legit music. However, it was simple hard work and word-of-mouth that led to its success.

The layout of the festival is not like your typical outdoor music festivals such as Sasquatch, Bumbershoot and Coachella. SXSW features multiple venues around Austin (which now holds the record for most original music nightclubs in a concentrated area than any other city in the world, according to its Web site) and each club has a set schedule of performers for each day. Some clubs are 21 and older; others are not.

The main way in which SXSW attracts fans now is by taking advantage of the highly important, yet largely under-the-radar power of the independent music blogosphere. By utilizing the enormous power of the online music community through both a powerful blog of their own as well as imbedded outside bloggers before and during the festival, SXSW directors exhibit a fascinating literacy in the way to amass power in a changing society.

SXSW organizers know their audience to be an intensely Internet-oriented group and have mastered the way to communicate with them and legitimize the festival in Internet circles which hold sway over powerful social opinion of independent music. If the Internet is the vehicle by which powerful entities grow, it seems only fitting that the enormously powerful SXSW exhibits a textbook skill in mastering the independent music world.

The last way SXSW flexes its social muscle is simply by providing ample opportunity to listen to great music in a fun environment. Austin provides a cultural backdrop ripe for a good time. With great weather, young residents and visitors, tons of music venues and bars and a distinctly international feel within a relatively small city, Austin has it all. With the University of Texas right in the city, the vibe is young and diverse. Additionally, people from all over the world come to play and listen at SXSW. Performers and attendees hail from Oklahoma City to Tokyo and everywhere in between. SXSW and Austin are so indelibly tied that it seems pertinent to ask which came first, the proverbial chicken or the egg?

SXSW provides music lovers, music newbies, and independent spirits a perfect opportunity to see their favorite bands and even hear some new stuff. Bands descend upon the city for one week a year to rock the music scene's socks off. Tickets are pricey but one thing is for sure - everyone should make the trek to see SXSW live at least once in their lives. For more information visit www.SXSW.com.

Hey, It's Cool, You Can Bring Your Green Fedora

2009-04-05T12:47:00.000-07:00

Helping you get prepped for the artistic part of Spokane's 'First Friday'

published, Gonzaga Bulletin 2009

Media Credit: Hanne Zak

The inside of Art, Music and More has a well-lit and intimate setting conducive for photgraph and art perusing.

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Media Credit: Hanne Zak

Teapot ladies, tentacled ladies, the Empyrean will feature art by Mariko Sullivan and Tiffany Patterson this Friday.

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Media Credit: Hanne Zak

Jundt continues its Violence! exhibit through April 4

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Media Credit: Hanne Zak

Jim Kolva hangs a Sandy Ayars watercolor in preparation for First Friday.

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Media Credit: Hanne Zak

A sampling of the pottery featured at Mark Moore and Chris Kelsey's Trackside Studios

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To some, publicly exhibited art seems to exist in a confusing, alternate world where bespectacled ladies and gentlemen go to sip chardonnay and hear themselves talk about whether splattered paint is a sign of their rotting postmodern existence or whether a milk jug with a knife in it speaks to an existential notion of uselessness â€¦ or something equally pretentious. Outside of the world of monocles and monogrammed handkerchiefs, art galleries conjure images of a stark white room with a small painted canvas hanging on the wall, its meaning elusive to the viewer, prompting them to return to their world of Pabst Blue Ribbon and reality TV, chalking the entire experience up to a befuddling fluke.

However, here in Spokane, many places are turning that stereotype on its head by offering cool, calm, unpretentious spaces to explore art of different kinds. For those who cannot recognize Klimt from Kirchner, Jasper Johns from Georgia O'Keefe or watercolor from acrylic, art galleries and studios like Art, Music and More, Kolva-Sullivan, Jundt Art Museum, and Trackside Studio invite art neophytes and experts alike to experience different mediums of visual art.

Additionally, cafes like the Empyrean and hipster hangout Baby Bar/Neato Burrito offer the chance to experience art while chowing or guzzling your way to contentment. Sometimes, puzzlingly, it appears like there is some sort of invisible force field between campus and downtown. However, a quick jaunt over the river toward downtown promises a new, fun way to view art.

Many of these cafes, galleries and studios participate in Spokane's hidden gem - First Friday. Like its homonymic relatives in other cities, is a specific time when local art exhibitors can show their work to the wider public in a fun, community-oriented event. The first Friday of every month, most of Spokane's downtown galleries (and a few in the Garland area) open their doors to eager art viewers. The event has amassed quite the following and is a certifiable must-do before your tenure at Gonzaga comes to a close.

Here's a look at some of Spokane's coolest art spaces:

Arts, Music and More

OK, so their name may not scream "awesome!" but Art, Music and More is an eclectic, loft-like space where music, painting, ceramics, jewelry design and crafts come together in a laidback environment. With exposed brick walls and a quaint, intimate live music stage in the back, AM&M exhibits art for sale, created by local artists. I first came to AM&M for a live music set (shout-out to GU student Kevin Vance for performing) and was surprised by their highly accessible artwork. Their exhibited pieces were displayed for the public in a way that was both inviting and unpretentious. Whether you go to AM&M for live music or visual arts, you will not be disappointed with the relaxed environment and the access to local artists' work. AM&M is located at 608 W. 2nd Ave.

Jundt Art

Many people on campus know the Jundt Museum as the dark building on the other side of campus that they have never been in. With its "museum" designation, Jundt is rumored to be an enigmatic place where stuffy art is exhibited - if it is even mentioned at all. While the museum's ultra-cool and locally acclaimed exhibit "Violence!" just recently closed, the senior thesis exhibit will be coming into the museum within the month. The senior thesis exhibit is a great way to experience art in a traditional museum setting while simultaneously supporting the work of our fellow students. The exact content of the exhibit remains to be seen, given the individualistic nature of the art department thesis program. However, the contents are sure to please. The Jundt Art Museum can be found between Jepson and Dussault.

The Empyrean

This chill coffeehouse has come to be known over the last two-and-a-half years for offering a quiet place to study or read if you're suffering from campus fever. However, not only do they offer delicious coffee drinks and decadent pastries, The Empyrean also features a vast array of cool paintings and ceramics created by local artists. Many times, according to the Empyrean staff, art comes from people who just like to kick it at the coffeehouse. The Empyrean also offers poetry readings, dramatic performances and live music. In fact, Gonzaga students will be putting on a play titled "American Buffalo" that runs at the venue April 23-26. The Empyrean is a great place to hang out and a perfect spot for dipping your toe into the proverbial waters of the art world. The Empyrean participates in First Friday and can be found at 154 S. Madison Street.

Kolva-Sullivan

Kolva-Sullivan is an intimate, funky gallery that features a wide variety of different art on a rotating schedule. This week, a show of watercolors by local artist Sandy Ayars moves in. Kolva-Sullivan participates in First Friday, and today will mark the opening of Ayars' first solo show in Spokane. Her beautiful and vibrant watercolors focus on beauty in nature. Her work features a notably relatable theme, as we all experience nature in our daily lives and her pieces have been described as "transforming the mundane into an artistic story."

While the studio is a working business that sells art, owner Jim Kolva describes the gallery as, at its core, "a space for artists." Sometimes the shows at Kolva-Sullivan are political, sometimes they are ecological, sometimes they are psychological - but they seem to be always relatable. The vibe when I spoke to Kolva was relaxed, yet informative, an ethos that seems to permeate the space. Kolva-Sullivan is the perfect place to go if you want to learn more about the art you are seeing in an inquisitive environment, or if you are an artist yourself looking to speak with knowledgeable staff about deeper meanings in visual art. It's a refuge from the derelict atmosphere outside of the gallery. Kolva-Sullivan is located at 115 S. Adams.

Trackside Studios

In the same building as Kolva-Sullivan, Trackside Studio is a ceramics studio and gallery featuring the works of Mark Moore and Chris Kelsey. One of the owners, Moore, is a graduate of GU. The space, with high ceilings and large open front windows, is a bright and inviting place to check out pottery and sculpture. Upon entering, it seemed like a place made for young people. Music played in the background and I asked myself, "Is this one of my Pandora stations?" and the staff was amiable, helpful and not snobbish in the least. Trackside is a good place for budding artists to go to see art being made in a relaxed, open environment.

When I walked into Trackside, it was evident that they were preparing for First Friday and falling quickly behind. "It's hard to keep a pottery shop clean," explained Chris. Unfortunately for Chris, the Thursday snowfall had drawn his partner Mike to the mountains, so he was left to fend for himself. And he had a lot of work to do. Lucky for me, some of the pottery had already been assembled and arranged, so I was able to take in a fairly august preview of what was to come. Expect arrangements of upper-echelon pottery that will soon be imitated inside of your IKEA and Pier 1 Imports catalogue. Trackside is located at 115 S. Adams.

If you're bored of the same stale house parties, the eardrum-blasting party music and the incessant beer pong - or if you're simply up for some variety - try something new. Head out to Spokane's First Friday to see some local art in inviting, warm, unpretentious galleries and enjoy the community. You will undoubtedly meet some great people, expose yourself to new art and experience a side of Spokane you may have never seen before.

Watching For Watchmen’s Zach Snyder

2009-03-03T11:14:00.000-08:00

published, Gonzaga Bulletin 2009

With the upcoming release of the highly anticipated, end-of-days epic Watchmen, film junkies and graphic novel gurus are abuzz with fervent expectation for what will most likely be an undeniably successful blockbuster hit. Zach Snyder, the man who brought you such gore-fests as 300 and Dawn of the Dead, unveils his newest brainchild to the world this Friday.

While many people know about Watchmen, many do not know director Zach Snyder as a household name. He is a relatively young Hollywood director, but, in his short tenure as one of the reigning directing giants, he has made his mark on both cinematic and commercial genres. Devoted followers credit him with a so-called “cinematic wide-screen style”, creating an intensely saturated aesthetic.

Snyder’s fansite characterizes his work as, “landscapes with a painter’s sense of light and color… combin[ing] powerful storytelling with a compelling sense of place.” It may come as no surprise, then, to know that Snyder studied at London’s Heatherlies School, where he was trained in painting. Later, he attended the prestigious Art Center College of Design in Pasadena, California.

Like many directors, Snyder has accrued a following of disciples, devoted to his panoramic aesthetic and larger-than-life visual ethos.

One thing is for sure when watching a Snyder film, the viewer is immersed in what has been called a “big screen look,” which can be alternately engrossing and horrifying depending on the film. This also plays a part in his commercial work with noted companies like Gatorade, Subaru, Nissan, BMW and Budweiser, making the product the center of what critics have likened “a visual assault”.

Snyder is most well known for the Spartan epic, 300. Snyder’s visually gluttonous aesthetic features splattering blood and spit, as well as enough heads lopped off to make the French Revolution look like amateur hour. Unapologetically making little attempt to be historically accurate, Snyder pushes the viewer into a dream-like world of epic fighting between villains and heroes seemingly sizeable enough to move mountains.

Some critics panned 300 for almost numbingly frequent outbursts of bloody violence, taking away from the viewer’s ability to be fully engrossed in the film. Many viewers, however, do not care and have come to welcome Snyder as a purveyor of borderline pornographic violence with buckets of fake blood smeared from here to Thermopylae.

Snyder’s other famous work, Dawn of the Dead amassed a cult following of its own. While not a true remake of either George Romero’s 1978 horror Night of the Living Dead or the cult classic 28 Days, Snyder infused his same gory carnage. As the undead descend upon the last vestiges of “pure” humanity, Snyder presents us with cerebellum-hungry undead soccer moms and middle-management goobers, the unharmonious birth of a demonic, zombie fetus and rotting flesh galore. One critic characterized the zombies as, “deliciously rotting and pukey,” and one couldn’t agree more. Snyder’s job is done as the viewer walks out of the theater, stomach churning, on the verge of some reverse peristalsis of his or her own.

Not everyone is a Snyder fan and many critics agree that, aside from his visual style, he lacks an ability to direct quality screenwriting. Like a proverbial male model, a Snyder film looks great… but not so much with the talking.

Critics' opinions aside, it is undeniable that Snyder presents not just a movie but a visual experiential moment. With the debut of Watchmen on the horizon, Snyder’s choice to portray graphic novels as films is clear. His style melds the impossible and the possible, bridges fantasy and reality, and draws the viewer into shared sensory overload.

If you are one of the millions of people who will see the upcoming Watchmen, you will likely not be disappointed. Just as his other movies have, Snyder’s films will continue to awe, impress and disturb. Other movies simply beckon you to watch; Snyder’s films punch you in the gut, tie you up and make you forget your own name.

How the Republicans and Democrats Used History at Their Conventions

2009-02-25T19:07:00.000-08:00

originally published by the History News Network, Election Season 2008

In this election season, it seems that the point cannot be made forcefully enough by pundits, delegates, supporters, candidates and other members of the political swirl that we are at a historical turning point: breaking with tradition with the first black Presidential nominee and only the second female Vice Presidential nominee of a major party. With all this talk of history being made, the way candidates and their supporters seek to use history to their benefit is often overlooked. A review of the transcripts of this summer's conventions reveals that one of the most common practices has been to borrow the heroes of the opposing party to discredit it.

The Democrats, at their Denver convention, frequently referred to heroes from the Republican Party's past in an attempt to discredit the current party. Retired Rear Admiral John Hutson, in his speech supporting Barack Obama, indicated that he barely recognized his old party: "The Republican Party I once knew has become something different, something I no longer recognize.” By paying tribute to the most admired accomplishments of the G.O.P., the speakers sought to expose what they believed to be a failure of modern Republicans to uphold their legacy.

Congressman Rahm Emanuel (D-IL), speaking of what he believed to be the failures of President George W. Bush, quoted Ronald Reagan in defense of his argument, using one of The Gipper's most famous lines against his putative heir: “In the 2006 election, Democrats, Independents, and even some Republicans scored a victory that President Bush himself called ‘a thumpin'.’ Well, Mr. President, as Ronald Reagan used to say, ‘you ain't seen nothing yet’.”

Former Congressman Jim Leach (R-IA) spoke of the progressive efforts of Republicans Teddy Roosevelt and Dwight Eisenhower, in a further attempt to suggest that the current Republican Party had grown distant from its roots:

[The Republican Party] includes Republicans like Teddy Roosevelt, who built up the National Parks system and broke down corporate monopolies, and Dwight David Eisenhower, who ran on a pledge to end a war in Korea, brought a stop to European colonial intervention in the Middle East, quietly integrated the Washington, D.C. school system and not so quietly sent the 101st Airborne to Little Rock to squash segregation in public schools throughout the country.

By exalting grand successes of historic Republicans, Leach attempted to highlight alleged failures of Republicans today.

Susan Eisenhower, the granddaughter of Dwight Eisenhower, spoke of the divide between yesterday and today, in regards to Republican policy and action. In her words,

Once during the Eisenhower administration, Ike was under fire from his critics for moving too slowly in responding to political pressure. After a visit to the Oval Office by Robert Frost, the famous American poet sent the president a note: “the strong,” he wrote, “are saying nothing until they see.”

By highlighting the prudence of that characterized Eisenhower as President, she attempted to convey the message that the modern Republican Party behaved with a lack of prudence. She continued, “Let us restore the hope and bring the change that our nation so desperately needs.” While the themes of “hope” and “change” were certainly emphasized in almost every speech at the Democratic convention, the Democrats hoped they would ring truer coming from the progeny of one of America’s most well known Republicans.

Citizens involved in the American Voices Program also spoke of the difference between historic and contemporary Republicans. One speaker, Pamela Cash-Roper, elaborated, saying, “I’m a lifelong Republican who voted for Nixon, Reagan, Bush and Bush. But I can’t afford four more years like this.”

Not to be outdone, Republicans also used the opposing party’s historical figures to score points. But in their case, history was used to reassure Americans that Sarah Palin was up to the tasks of the high office to which she had been nominated. Most frequently they invoked Harry Truman's name in defense of Palin.

Palin herself cited Truman in an attempt to reassure Americans that someone with her background in rural America could perform admirably: “Long ago, a young haberdasher from Missouri, he followed an unlikely path to the vice presidency." She then attempted to compare her life to that of Truman, saying, “A writer observed: ‘We grow good people in our small towns, with honesty, sincerity, and dignity.’ I know just the kind of people that writer had in mind when he praised Harry Truman. I grew up with those people.” By positioning herself as a kind of “everywoman” she hoped to borrow some of his luster as America's "everyman." In what has become one of her most famous lines from the convention, she remarked: “I was just your average hockey mom, and signed up for the PTA because I wanted to make my kids' public education better.”

It was a neat historical swap. In 1948 the Republican "elitist" Thomas Dewey had been defeated by Truman, the everyman. Now Republicans were using their own "everywoman" to discredit a candidate they decried as an elitist.

A neat trick--if people buy it.

Killing Angels: Martyrdom, Spirits and the Business of Symbolic Death

2009-02-25T18:55:00.000-08:00

written for history class, 2008

What does one think of when the word “angel” is mentioned?

Perhaps, one sees an image of a cherubic, pudgy-cheeked, rosy-skinned infant or a curvaceous blonde draped in finest silks ascending towards the heavens guided by gilded ivory wings. Likely, the mind does not first conjure an image of a haggard, bearded, middle-aged man of towering stature lying slumped forward in a spectator seat of Ford’s Theater with a noticeable chunk of cerebral matter missing. Upon the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, the populous of the United States (especially in the Northern states) began to associate Lincoln as a man and president with a higher meaning, a higher power, and indeed, a higher standard- a veritable angel, sent from God. Immediately following his death, newspapers ran sensational headlines and cartoon-style homages to the fallen leader. By careful examination of these papers and images, it becomes abundantly clear that Lincoln’s death transformed him from politician to demigod. Biblical allusion, attenuated metaphors regarding the Lincoln’s “guiding” influence and villainous media portrayal of John Wilkes Booth indicate a fervent opinion regarding Lincoln’s role in the cohesion of a union divided. Through examination of newspaper accounts immediately following his death, Abraham Lincoln was imaged as martyr, patriarch, savior and soul of the United States.

It becomes imperative to note, regarding sentiments about Lincoln’s death, the
seemingly unanimous nature of the populous’ feelings. On May 5th, 1865, the New York
Times ran a piece about the assassination, stating,

“Those national emblems, thousands in number, but yesterday floating proudly in the breeze, are lowered to half-mast, to mourn the loss of one dearly loved by all. Every house became one of mourning, none were found here so depraved as to refuse to condemn the act of the assassin, and all breathed but one sentiment that the deceased was an honest man.”

This unanimity reached across class and racial divide, as, in New Orleans, “Sixty thousand people assembled on the public streets to give vent to their public grief- not the least among them was found the colored race.” While people of all skin colors lamented the loss of their leader, solidarity amongst members of different social classes emerged as well. “It was the universal grief,” Harper’s Weekly reported, “that so heavily draped our streets. Not only the mansions of the rich, but the squalid hovels of the poor put on the habit of mourning.” The muddling of class divides indicates the extent to which Lincoln had become embedded in the fabric of the union. His death was recorded as, “a personal blow to every faithful American household.” The fact that one could plausibly claim that the death of one man touched every American household seems enough to show that Lincoln’s stature in society was not merely that of a removed president or war general, but of a man personally effecting millions of people.

Lincoln’s effect on the masses was also portrayed nicely in an illustration from Harper’s Weekly . As Lincoln’s coffin lies in front of sturdy, solid pillars, Lady Liberty kneels nearby, weeping, overcome by grief. With the American flag clutched in her hand, she embraces the coffin, signifying the connection between Lincoln and the livelihood of the United States. Around the name on the coffin there emanates glowing light, as if to indicate an influence reaching beyond temporal, socially constructed divisions. That distinctly different social and racial groups came together to mourn his death is an integral piece in understanding the seemingly extreme manner in which Lincoln was eulogized publicly, immediately following his death.

One significant way in which the American people remembered Lincoln was as a paternal figure, guiding the nation through rough times, leading the people with keen wisdom. Upon his death, the April 29th, 1865 issue of Harper’s Weekly reported, “and in his death it is not a party that loses a head, but a country that deplores a father.” The idea of Lincoln as the American patriarch permeated, as he was remembered (without irony) as, “holding the nation together through its darkest hours.” While he was the literal father of four children, he garnered a position in the collective mind of the country he left behind in death as a metaphorical, even metaphysical, father figure.

The “Lincoln-as-father” idea was not only found in the articles of the contemporary newspapers, but also in the images used to supplement the coverage of his death. In one illustration in the famous Harper’s Weekly , Lincoln was shown with his young son, Tad. As an aged Lincoln looks on, Tad stands at his side, intently laying his gaze upon the book in Lincoln’s lap as Lincoln turns a page. This picture creates a nice metaphor for Lincoln as the father figure of the nation, turning the pages of American history as a proud and diligent people look on. This picture, and indeed its underlying meaning, was a clear facet of the manner in which people eulogized the president publicly, as it ran the week after his death. Much like a young child without a parent, America is portrayed as an eager but young, entity without their guiding influence. But the nation did not stop at showing Lincoln as a father figure, and further images and metaphors were created that put Lincoln in a religious light.

Upon his death, newspapers immediately began using language and imagery that portrayed him as a savior and martyr of the nation, pulling it back from the brink of entire collapse. Spiritual and religious undertones circulated in the accounts of his death. Harper’s Weekly again reported, “The dust of our great leader, kissed to rest, and folded to our hearts, is there interned, beyond the breath of scandal, in sweet peace. Wounded with his wound, our hearts receive the mantle of his spirit as it flies.” The biblical reference (“ashes to ashes, dust to dust”) sparks an image of a person ordained by God for some sort of earthly mission. This image of Lincoln was countered by a devilish image of John Wilkes Booth and his actions. In The Chicago Tribune, the collision of good and evil was explored, as it was said, “President Lincoln, whose life was covered with glory by his faithfulness to his country, has ascended to his God. Pale in death, murdered by the hellish spirit of slavery, his body lies at the nation’s capital- a new sacrifice upon our country’s altar.” Lincoln assumes, in this text, the role of sacrificial lamb. It seems as though this sort of eulogy wording was perhaps heavy-handed in its estimation. However, other articles spoke quite literally about a connection between the messianic tale of Jesus on the cross and Lincoln’s death at Ford’s Theater.

To equate Lincoln with Jesus may seem far-fetched or sensationalized, but it was said, “He has sealed his service to his country by the last sacrifice. On the day that commemorates the great sorrow which Christendom reveres, the man who had no thought, no wish, no hope but the salvation of his country laid down his life.” Talk of an “ultimate sacrifice” was not fully fleshed out, as even more explicitly stated words were to follow. “It is the world’s old story, told again,” it was written, “that they who bruise the venomed head must bear, even as Christ did, its last foul sting, taking the savior’s passion with his crown.” Muddled metaphors thrown away, the newspaper directly correlated Lincoln’s death with Christ’s final act of faith. In both the press coverage of Lincoln’s death and in the collective mind of the American people, Abraham Lincoln had died a martyr, a savior of the union.

But the Biblical references did not cease there. Taking from another famous Biblical allegory, Lincoln was compared to Moses in a fusion of both his perceived image as a father figure and savior. In what can best be described as the climax of fervent Lincoln analogizing, it was said, “Like Moses, he had marched with us through the wilderness. From the height of patriotic vision he beheld the golden fields of the future waving in peace.” This quote encapsulated all three major themes in how the country began to memorialize Lincoln. First, the Biblical reference to Moses indicates the idea that Lincoln was somehow closer to God as a living man, given a divine purpose to guide the nation as the benevolent patriarch. Secondly, it says the “height of patriotic vision”, indicating that Lincoln was somehow of a higher intellectual plane, able to decipher the complex code of saving the union. Lastly, Lincoln is imaged as seeing “the golden fields of the future” as if to show that he had undoubtedly ascended to heaven was gazing down upon his country from the right hand of God. Lincoln emerged from these sort of memorials as a divine patriarch who had guided the nation as a politician and would continue to do so as an ascended spirit. However, the image was not completed without a complementing image of evil to act as a foil to the heavenly Lincoln.

In both words and images, John Wilkes Booth garnered a reputation as a villainous character. The Chicago Tribune reported in a headline, “Terrible news. President Lincoln assassinated at Ford’s Theater. A rebel desperado shoots him through the head and escapes.” Booth as the “rebel desperado” was used as a counterpoint to the divine image of Lincoln. In the minds of the American people, only a true scoundrel would murder the president in cold blood. This image was furthered by the wanted posters, which circulated the nation, offering a reward for Booth. In this poster, large bold type offers reward for “THE MURDERER” of “ our beloved president”. By using the word “murderer” juxtaposed with “beloved”, it puts the villain Booth in direct opposition to the angelic Lincoln, creating a battle between good and evil.

Even in smaller newspapers the theme of good and evil permeated. In Burlington, Iowa, a story ran saying, “That our most kind, lenient and magnanimous chief magistrate has been stricken down while in the exercise of his high office, by the bloody hand of the assassin, the climax of rebel crime, a martyr to the cause which lies dearest to the hearts of the people.” In this paper, the murder of Lincoln would only be reasonably justified by characterizing Booth as a “rebel”, clearly disregarding the ethos and moralities of the American union. By using the words “bloody hand”, Booth is portrayed as a devilish character who assumed full blame for the martyring of Lincoln. In a final characterization of Booth, it was reported that, “The assassin then leaped upon the stage brandishing a large dagger or knife…” By imaging Booth as a crazed man, armed and dangerous, he loses the human quality and takes on a slightly depraved, maybe even animalistic appearance. His craven image contrasts perfectly with the morally and socially elevated image of Lincoln as seraphim.

Abraham Lincoln’s death catapulted him into a posthumous image simultaneously as guiding father, selfless martyr and angelic savior. As the American people began to make sense of the assassination, newspaper and magazine accounts of Lincoln’s death and immediate legacy transformed him from human to demigod. Through metaphor, Biblical allusion, illustrated imagery and vulcanization of John Wilkes Booth, Lincoln’s death elevated him morally, ideologically and socially and placed him deep in the hearts and minds of his contemporaries.

American Girls in Florence 2008

2009-02-25T18:52:00.000-08:00

We made it, we landed, we’re finally here!
Our school’s reputation, we’re ready to smear.

Our lips are all pouty and the camera shoots,
Who cares about Dante, look at my new boots!

From our tongues not a word of Italian does slip,
Our waiter didn’t speak English- let’s not leave a tip.

We’ve been drinking all night, Ponte Vecchio and back,
Excuse me, but upon this palazzo I must yack.

Il Duomo, what? Sistine, who?
Let’s hit Chanel for a bag or two.

We don’t do the carbs, no pasta for us,
Can we grab a taxi? I’m not one for the bus.

Sure, we’ve “studied”, taken classes and stuff,
But knowing grazie, that oughta be enough.

We’ve train’d, we’ve plane’d, we’ve bus’d so far,
Where the hell is the American bar?

Death of the Power Network

2009-02-25T18:51:00.000-08:00

originally published in the Gonzaga Bulletin 2009

Ladies and gentlemen, we gather here in honor of a fallen friend. For years, it served us well, entertaining us; making us laugh, making us cry. But now it’s time to say goodbye… to the big network power lineup. In the recent past, the big time networks (NBC, ABC and CBS) have provided us with solid, four episode power blocs that dominated the TV markets and captured our collective attention. However, with the rise in premium cable show cult followings, the popularity of lesser-known networks, the prevalence of syndicated shows and a growing obsession with trashy reality shows, the primetime cable lineup is a dying breed.

Gone are the days when NBC would dish out four quality shows in their primetime lineup, ending with veteran powerhouse mainstay, ER (undeniably a resident geriatric show gasping for its final gasp on life support). ABC never fails to provide us with forgettable formulaic comedies and family laugh tracks and CBS seems to be using a scramble play, flooding the market with more CSI:s than we know what to do with. Suddenly, we are faced with the unfortunate decision between watching a comically absurd David Caruso skulk around South Beach on CSI:Miami or suffer the pain of watching has-been B-listers crack carpool jokes on ABC.

To be fair, there are a few bright spots still remaining on these networks. Lost, The Office, 30 Rock and House all continue to impress with innovative humor and engaging plotlines. The recent Screen Actors Guild Awards shined upon these shows, clinging to the vestige of a commanding primetime.

Taking the place of the old network dominance starts with a growing popularity of premium cable. Once a mysterious force in the television world, premium cable channels like HBO and Starz have become more commonplace as digital cable and satellite are found in more homes across the nation. Shows like Flight of the Conchords, Entourage, Big Love, Weeds and Californication have accrued cult followings and an undeniable cultural importance. Premium cable shows are highly recognized and infuse their influence in common vernacular, dress and style.

Similarly, the bigger network shows are getting passed up for shows on previously lesser-known networks like AMC, TBS and TNT.

Mad Men, the AMC sensation features a suave and sexy cast of hourglass figures, crisp cut 60s suits, impeccably slicked hair and enough hard liquor to drown a seasoned dockworker. Mad Men is bringing back the cigarette, the pin curl and the three-martini lunch- and they’re doing it with style.

In the same way, TNT and TBS bring viewers to cable with underdog shows that have become supremely popular like Monk, The Closer and Saving Grace. These shows originally started quietly, amassing more loyal viewers every week, eventually winning major accolades such as Emmys, Golden Globes and Screen Actors Guild awards. Although Monk has been on air since 2002, it has fully come into its own as one of the more popular shows on television.

Syndicated shows are enjoying a newfound resurgence in value. More and more people are turning their TVs to channels including the CW, TBS and Bravo where they can watch older episodes of perennial favorites like Scrubs, The Office and Project Runway. With a seemingly constant stream of syndicated shows playing on these channels, viewers are more apt to watch a repeat of a beloved series than a new mediocre episode to which they hold no loyalty.

Lastly, trashy reality shows still hold sway over our every free minute. Whether it is watching burnt out strippers fawn over Bret Michaels on Rock of Love Bus, taking bets on which one of the Ikki twins will find “true love” on a Double Shot at Love or delighting in the schadenfreude that is The Biggest Loser, we have to admit it- we are suckers for awful “reality” TV. Like syndicated shows, these reality shows are on all the time, taking the attention off of primetime shows when you must tune in at a certain time.

The demise of the big network power bloc has been a long time coming. It has not been a quick downfall, but rather a long, slow battle against alternate sources of popularity in a world of ever expanding channel choices. Likely, these changes are only the beginning and the face of television will undoubtedly continue to morph as time passes. As we sit down, grab the remote and tune in- one thing is certain, television as we know it is changing right before our eyes.

Conchords Set For Second Flight

2009-02-25T18:48:00.000-08:00

originally published in the Gonzaga Bulletin, 2008

The boys are back in town. Starting this Sunday the highly acclaimed HBO series Flight of the Conchords returns for its second, and some say final, season. The novelty band turned cult sensation is comprised of innocuous New Zealanders Bret and Jemaine and their antics with their preposterous manager Murray in New York City.

While Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm may have invented the “show-about-nothing” genre, Flight of the Conchords perfects it. Whether the pair are bickering over using their “rapping names” (Rhymenoceros and HipHopopotamus), making bike helmets that look like hair or debating the finer points of tickling, the two never fail to entertain with ceaseless banality. The show’s cast frequently breaks into song, including tracks that are found on the CDs by the group… think Tenacious D but funnier.

Last season included such highlights as the return of Bret’s coldblooded ex-lover Sally, Murray’s hopeless crush on the computer assistance woman, Bret’s Footloose style dance montage, anti New Zealand discrimination at a fruit stand and the stalker antics of their pudgy-cheeked creeper-fan Mel.

Last season ended with an episode entitled “The Third Conchord” where a new bongo player, Todd (comedian Todd Barry) is introduced to the band, eventually ending in the spinoff group, the Crazy Dogggz. With the new hit “Doggie Bounce”, the Crazy Dogggz (also featuring comedian Demetri Martin) take the international music charts by storm. The new band rapidly gains popularity and even loyal Mel leaves the Conchords behind.

However, no real tutorial is needed to join the swarms of fanatical viewers who swear by the show’s ability to make one laugh harder at nothing than ever thought possible.

According to NPR’s FanBoy blog, the show is pretty easy to follow.

"Two guys from New Zealand come to New York," McKenzie says. "And they're a band. And they fail, uh ..."

"Weekly," Clement jumps in.

"They fail every week, yeah, at 10 o'clock," McKenzie says.

This season picks off where the last left off, as Flight of the Conchords fire Murray and attempt to move on with growing their band and the Crazy Doggz face a copyright fiasco and Murray is forced to return to the original band.

The show frequently features famous stand-up comedians and actors including Arj Barker and Saturday Night Live’s Will Forte to assist in spot-on deadpan and hipster hilarity. Various pop culture blogs insist on the presence of so-called “darker themes” of season two and Jemaine’s failed attempt at becoming a gigolo.

Some worry that the show is in its final season, owing to the departure of Bret and the length of time it takes to create enough material for an entire season of the show. Also, for those still on the campus cable package without HBO, the show will be available for online viewing.

Whether you are a plaid clad hipster with a deep appreciation for the “keytar” (a combination keyboard and guitar) watching the show through ironic Buddy Holly glasses or a hipster hater with a secret love of the kiwis, this show will not disappoint. Flight of the Conchords is perfect for college students, encapsulating everyday ridiculousness in way everyone wishes they could.

If you have never seen this show or a true Mel at heart, stop everything you are doing at 10 pm on Sunday, January 18 and enjoy hilarity with a heavy New Zealand accent.

Why Does Biggie Matter?

2009-02-25T18:42:00.000-08:00

originally published in the Gonzaga Bulletin, 2009

Even here, at a private, Catholic university in Spokane, the name Biggie Smalls means something. With last week’s release of the feature film Notorious, the memory of the slain rapper has been resurrected. While hardened gangsters on the gritty streets of America’s cities and pocket-protector-wearing white kids in the suburbs of the Midwest alike know his lyrics, it begs the question: why does Notorious B.I.G. matter?

Born in Brooklyn in 1972, Notorious B.I.G. (legally named Christopher Wallace) was quickly faced with the hardships that accompany the hardscrabble life of the projects. Although many records show that his early academic performance looked promising, he soon fell prey to the drug trade, buying and selling by the time he was 12.

Like many other rappers, he got his start on the street, quickly impressing others with his flowing lyricism and storytelling abilities. His enormous stature earned him the nickname “Biggie Smalls” which soon morphed into Notorious B.I.G. After he released a demo tape, noted producer, entrepreneur and nickname aficionado Sean (P. Diddy, Puff Daddy, Diddy, etc.) Combs quickly set up meetings and record appearances for the budding star. When Combs started his powerhouse Bad Boy Records, Notorious signed on.

Fame could not hold back the persistent symptoms of a life defined by crime and strife and Notorious was arrested and served nine months for a drug deal gone awry. He was later arrested for other violations involving violence and drugs. Shortly thereafter, he was back on top of recording industry and had many singles hit the Billboard charts with resounding success.

In 1994, Notorious married singer Faith Evans with whom he would go on to have a child. His marriage to Faith Evans merged the two into one of hip-hop’s most powerful and recognizable duos. It was his friendship and subsequent rivalry with Tupac Shakur, though, which he is most famous (indeed notorious) for.

Originally, Notorious’s relationship with Shakur was on friendly terms. That changed when Shakur was robbed at gunpoint in 1994, which was subsequently blamed on Notorious’s entourage. By this time, Notorious had collaborated with a group called Junior M.A.F.I.A., a rapping entourage and hip-hop culture dynasty.

What ensued quickly spiraled into all-out turf war between East and West, Shakur and Notorious and competing rap labels. Rappers, producers and average civilians found themselves embroiled in a nationwide rivalry that encouraged violence both explicitly and implicitly. Tensions boiled over in 1996, at the height of the coastal beef, when Shakur was murdered in Las Vegas in a drive-by shooting.

Immediately, rumors swirled about Notorious’s involvement in Shakur’s death. Notorious traveled to Los Angeles to promote his popular single “Hypnotize”. On March 9, 1997 Notorious left a party accompanied by Junior M.A.F.I.A. members in a black Suburban. When the car stopped at a red light, an unidentified man rolled down his window and shot Notorious, killing him.

The saga of the unsolved Shakur-Smalls murders plays on in rap songs today, cultural lore and hip-hop history. People call for greater efforts to find the culprits. However, it is in the final chapter of this story that is the most important in understanding the importance of the life and death of one of rap’s biggest superstars.

It is not the tale of his meteoric rise to fame out of a life of crime, poverty and despair into one of unimaginable riches but rather the persistence of the tragic narrative of the lifestyle he could not escape. With his extreme popularity, stranglehold over the rap game, endless monetary resources and a powerful network and entourage it seemed that he had transcended his toxic past. Perhaps what matters most is not the allusion to the American dream of the young, poor scrapper rising to the top but rather the fact that his lifestyle of crime, rivalry and violence followed him to higher levels of fame and wealth, with its symptoms reverberating over the entire nation. Notorious, in all ways, lived on an exaggerated scale. As the scope of his fame widened, so did the magnitude of the tragic narrative he could never escape.

25 Things

2009-02-25T18:40:00.000-08:00

originally published in the Gonzaga Bulletin, 2009

It seems every day lately, as I sign onto my Facebook for my daily allotment of time wasting, I am greeted by countless stories in my Mini-Feed about so-and-so’s TOP 25 THINGS. At first, intrigued, I clicked on these notes, only to descend into lists of banal, uninteresting or simply uncomfortable facts. Soon after the 25 Things explosion, people began to complain about the transformation of Facebook into Myspace, a transformation that compromised a former refuge of the bulletin-weary masses into more of the same.

Each note becomes painfully more formulaic, as people attempt to distinguish themselves as individuals with statements like, “I love strawberries. I always have,” or, “I love singing along with the radio!” Truly fascinating notions towards understanding human condition…

For years, users turned to Facebook because it provided a different, simpler online space. Until recently, Facebook stood, glittering on the horizon, a Myspace without the training wheels. However, with the advent of trends like 25 Things notes, the question rises; is Facebook becoming Myspace?

Simply put, yes.

But the problem isn’t that it is becoming Myspace, but rather that the change represented by 25 Things notes is much larger.

25 Things lists are the symptoms of a larger epidemic evident on other websites — not just Myspace. Websites like Twitter, Myspace, Facebook, Friendster, LiveJournal and the variety of other networking and communication sites perpetuate a certain level of cultural narcissism especially prevalent today in our highly internet-dependent society. The problem is not what our 25 Things are, but rather what the list itself says about us.

The true problem with 25 Things (and the fusion of Myspace and Facebook) is that it perpetuates the idea that our personal lives are so interesting people should want to know about them. Both Facebook and Myspace are oozing with information no one cares to know about. Nonetheless, we continue to believe that what we put up matters.

The assumption within the Facebook “status” is that people care about what we do. Everyday, we update our statuses, assuming that people care that “Hanna Laney is watching TV”. It is this obsession with our own actions and lives that becomes uncomfortably obvious when trends like 25 Things emerge.

Another confusing layer of the 25 Things phenomena is the simultaneous acknowledgement of its stupidity and the unyielding acquiescence to its social influence. Many times, people begin their notes with the utterly befuddling, “I-didn’t-want-to-do this-but-I-guess-I-will!” sentiment, as if our being tagged in an online note is enough to make us abandon our sense of online propriety. It is this preamble that suggests we ought to know better. We understand the ridiculousness of the trend but we continue to perpetuate it. Are we merely bugs hurdling towards the entrancing bright light of the 25 Things with reckless abandon?

I fully assume a spot among the narcissistic masses, as quick review of my own Facebook exhibits enough pointless pictures, trite updates on my everyday actions and sections of useless information regarding my interests to bore even the most dedicated of viewers.

I suppose what it comes down to is the fact that we have become obsessed with our own lives. 25 Things notes do not signal the shift from Facebook to Myspace, but rather a reality about who we are and how the internet makes us that way. It is not the morphing of Facebook into Myspace that should alarm us; it is the constant stream of updates, pictures and statuses that should send us running for the hills.

Where do we go from here? Do we give up on trying to separate Facebook from Myspace, Twitter from Photobucket, and LiveJournal from Blogspot? I am not sure that’s entirely possible. Perhaps we simply accept the reality of what these websites say about us, we accept a certain level of obsession with our lives. Maybe these issues are anything but clear. However, the truth about 25 Things is clear.

You can skip the extra 24, it really comes down to one thing.

1.) Nobody cares.

Greetings!

2009-02-25T16:40:00.000-08:00

Hi All,

Thanks for checking out my blog. In So Many Words is a collection of my writing from various assignments, jobs, personal interests or narcissistic whims. Some pieces have been published, some pieces have not, and some pieces never should. This writing represents what I am passionate about, issues I believe in or wanted to understand better, and simply, words I put on paper.

Have a splendid day.

All The Best,
Hanna